I live in a small town. And to anyone who lives or has lived in a small town, you know all the small town anomalies that go with that. Nightlife is a joke. Driving is slower. Shops are sparse. And culture is … . well, let us just say “devolved.” Now, being part of the community theatre in my town, I have done all I can to try to elevate this standard that seems to be so comfortable there. Community theatre around here seems to think they don’t have to try as hard because, hey, it’s community theatre. People won’t mind that they just spent 12 bucks in a recession to see you and friends parade around like idiots for 2 hours on stage that should be reserved for those who actually take all this seriously. Am I saying you shouldn’t be having fun on stage? Absolutely not. What I am saying is that there’s need to be a way to combine the fun on stage with the fun being had by the audience. After all, they are who keep you in business. Unfortunately, most community theatre troupes will never learn this. The present mediocrity in all its glory, and the feedback they get from the friends and family that came to see it is “Oh, it was wonderful! Your best show yet!” This is a dangerous place for someone like me to be in. You see, I don’t have that button. That “Cliche Remarks Dispenser” button that some have programmed in their vocal boxes. If you had 2 rehearsals a week and it showed on stage, then perhaps you need to be told to rehearse more next time. After all, I paid to come see the show, did I not? Am I not entitled to some criticism? And when did it become that actors can’t handle that criticism?

I recently went to see a show being put on by a local theatre group. This show was Broadway review with a “risque” twist. The performers were clad in costumes that did not flatter their body types, the show had no flow to it, there were numbers in it that did not fit the theme, you could barely hear half the people on stage when they were singing, and you had people attempting to sing numbers they had no business attempting to sing. Add to that, there is a member of the show that I was not too fond of, and, as per my usual fault, I had been shooting my mouth off all over the place about this person. This person caught wind of it before the show and rallied the rest of them as their roles as “Mindless Henchman #1-10.” So not only did I have to sit through the insipid show, a good 2 hours of my life that they robbed from me while wearing poly-blend and a smile, but afterwards the mediocre-at-best performers had the balls to snub me as I tried to find some way of paying them compliment without lying to them. Now, to be fair, there were a handful of actual talented performers in the show. 5, by my count. But 5 out of 18 are some baaaaaad odds when dealing with a cast. So you can imagine what role I’ve been cast in now. “Villain!” “Public Enemy No. 1!” “Bitch!.” I can’t argue with them. I’ve earned most of those nicknames. What irks me is that they’re calling me them for the wrong reasons. I was right to say what I said. There is nothing “cute” or “adorable” about noticeably reaching beyond your capabilities. Stick to your strengths. And the actor in the show that I had personal problems with could’ve remained just our problem. But that mentality of small town people … . much like grade-schoolers. “You don’t like my friend so now I hate you! Aaaaaaaand you’re NOT invited to my birthday party!!”

In spite of all of this, I still expect to sleep like a baby at night. To be honest, I’ve got maybe a month or two left in this town before I’m off to bigger city to live with my fiance, and get married, and audition for TV shows, and at least attempt to make sure I’m not stuck doing mediocre community theatre when I’m 30 years old. One of them used Facebook to try and sneak attack me with a status citing “had a very productive day, and a great night with great friends… Friends - that’s a very powerful word. I am sure everyone wished they have what I have, and friends are only the beginning …”So, let me see if I have this straight. Because I’m not well liked in your mediocre group of friends … . I have none? Even as I read it a smile worthy of a Batman villain stretched across me face. Maybe that’s what having no friends means to him, but my dreams are bigger than that. Come to think of it … . . I now understand why they honestly thought their show was great. Mediocrity seems to be a theme in their lives … … .

… … . They simply don’t know any better.

What’s a blog without the writer attempting to tackle a subject he or she has absolutely no right to tackle? My thoughts exactly. So, I thought I’d try my hand at a topic that has eluded my logic for years. I’ve been in my relationship for almost a year now, and I can’t say that even yet have I determined what makes one work or not work. What seems so perfect, as things have in the past, ends abruptly. And what we thought could never work, as I’ve also been sure of, turns into something you didn’t even know was there. I envy those that know for sure what is and isn’t good for them. The truth is I don’t recognize these signs. How people can be so sure of something is, in a word, inhuman to me. Part of a good relationship is knowing that the other person did take a chance on you when they had no reason to. Taking the guesswork out of it just makes it … . sort of … . easy. But I always did like things the hard way.

A textbook love is a fallacy in this day and age. This truth is both a wonderful and terrible thing. The downside is that the classic love stories seem so far now. There seems to be no Ingrid Bergman and Humphrey Bogart waiting for us. No star-crossed lovers, no Romeo and Juliet (though look how things wound up for them.) And we will always constantly compare ourselves to these inaugural loves. We’ve been programmed to think these were “perfect” because they were the originals. And upside, though, is that there are constantly new ways to experience it on your own. Being we’ve come so far, there is no right or wrong way to go about nowadays. From shotgun weddings to men dating men, we’ve certainly come a long way. Whether or not all view that as a good thing is decidedly not so. Though, I keep a positive mind.

What seperates us from the Humphrey Bogarts and the Ingrid Bergmans and the Romeos and the Juliets (besides life) is that they seemed so perfect because there was never a question in their minds about whether or not they were in love. They were sure of it from the beginning. So, once again, they had it easy. Simpler time, I suppose. We, on the other hand, have that third party in our relationships. Unanswered questions and doubts and all those human things that, in essence, are just a pain in the ass. Is he really happy? Does she feel the same way I do? Am I sure about this? I certainly don’t have these answers, and I definitely don’t pretend to know about anyone else’s, either. But I believe in the ideals strongly enough to ignore the questions and move on anyway. Who knows? Maybe Humphrey and Ingrid weren’t so perfect after all and simply ignored the questions, too. But that would make them just like us.

And I’d like to believe that somewhere, at some point, someone got it right.